i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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