WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You are the jesus of drinking
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
