You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
