the new term for farting is butt boxing.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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