I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
