Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
