Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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