Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
