if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
