White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
