Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
