how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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