And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
