he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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