Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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