That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
