Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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