at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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