the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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