i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you would pick up someone in the library
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
