We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
