Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize