WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
