ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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