My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
