I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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