the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
