Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
