And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
