I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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