Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I was not drunk enough for that final.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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