He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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