NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is Oprah even human
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize