is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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