so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
