True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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