you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
