also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
