Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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