you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
50% drunk capacity currently
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
