he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
