The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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