mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
