we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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