I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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