No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
