We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
