I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
