Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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