some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
