Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize