so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
