Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
