Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize