I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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