What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
