Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
