It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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