I'm eating all of the evidence.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
