Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize