I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
