none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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