New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
