Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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