3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
