What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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