I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
