Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
