I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
