He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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