That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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