MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
