"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The air taste purple.
Randomize
