just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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