omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
