this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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