i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
